Forgiven as we Forgive

41P-DsLse+LThe spiritual life is one of paradox. We see the use of paradox in the Bible in verses like Matthew 10:39: “Those who find their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will find it.” The bible is full of these expressions. By using paradox what’s said
in the bible transcends our intellect and sinks into our souls. We understand the deeper truths they convey because paradox disarms our critical thinking processes forcing us to think in a fresh new way. Phrases like the one above in Matthew force us to ask questions like, “In what way do I need to lose my life for the sake of Jesus?” Spiritual paradoxes are powerful ways to get people to think more richly about God’s truth.

Studying forgiveness leads us into a world of spiritual paradoxes. The scriptures are full of references to the reciprocal nature inherent in the forgiving life. Let me provide you with examples so we can look more closely at this interesting spiritual revelation:

“For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you; but if you do not forgive others, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” (Matthew 6:14–15)

Another passage says:

“Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone; so that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses.” (Mark 11:25)

These passages imply God will forgive us only to the degree we forgive others. If you’re like me, the idea God only forgives me as I forgive others is un-
comfortable and makes me think a great deal about the nature of God.

In the Lord’s Prayer, we say, “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us” causing us to wonder, “Is that all God will do; forgive me as I forgive others?” Because forgiveness is not something that comes easily to me I begin to wonder about the forgiveness I have from God! Is God only as forgiving as I am? I’m a broken struggling human being and God only forgives me in the manner this broken soul can forgive others? On the surface that sounds very troubling. To wrap our minds around this we need to think about the nature of God. Most theologians argue God is all knowing, all loving, and all-powerful. We saw that when we described why only God could be perfectly just and merciful at the same time. If we’re saying this all loving God only forgives us in the same way limited forgiving people can then there’s an inconsistency in our understanding of the nature of God. Yet scripture is teaching us something about the reciprocal nature of forgiveness we can’t ignore. Mother Teresa of Calcutta addressed the 1982 graduates at Thomas Aquinas University with the following words:

“And this, the joy of the presence of Jesus, you must be able to give wherever you go. But you cannot give what you don’t have. That’s why you need a pure heart, a pure heart that you will receive as a fruit of your prayer, as a fruit of your oneness with Christ. And a pure heart can see God. And if you see God immediately, immediately you begin to love one another. That’s all Jesus came on this earth to give us, that good news: “Love as I have loved you; love one another as I have loved you.”

In this spiritually packed address, Mother Teresa unfolds a beautiful mystery about the spiritual life we need to ponder given our present topic. Just as an all-loving God extends an overabundance of love for us to experience he also extends an overabundance of forgiveness. However, just as being loved means accepting that love from God so does being forgiven require us to accept that forgiveness from God. How do we accept the forgiveness and love of God? We accept Jesus the incarnational expression of God’s love
and forgiveness. By accepting Jesus as the incarnational expression of God we accept love and forgiveness from the Father. Then, as we receive this love and forgiveness we extend it to others. Mother Teresa states it very plainly, “You cannot give what you don’t have.”

When God says he only forgives us as much as we forgive others he’s reminding us any limitations we experience in forgiving exists because we haven’t accepted the abundance of forgiveness he offers. To be a forgiving soul I need to understand how completely God has forgiven me. This is why it’s important to reflect on our failures. We don’t reflect on failures to become spiritual masochists, rather we do so to understand the great love and mercy God extends to us by meeting us in our broken fallen state. When we see how far we are from God we appreciate how far he stretches himself to be with us. We are deeply loved and deeply forgiven. Receiving that gift allows us to forgive ourselves. We must forgive ourselves as a result of the great love and forgiveness God pours into us so we can love and forgive others. God is not limiting his forgiveness because we limit ours.
God is teaching us the manner in which we forgive others is a direct reflection of the manner in which we receive his forgiveness. When we ask God to “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive others” we’re not asking for our reward. We’re asking God to help us understand the more forgiving we are toward others is a direct reflection of our acceptance of his forgiveness. You cannot give what you do not have; these are powerful words in relation to love and forgiveness. When we have Jesus Christ in our lives and really understand the depth and breadth of that relationship, we can forgive and love abundantly. Reflecting on our struggle with forgiveness and love helps us recognize the difficulty we have in receiving love and forgiveness from God. For now, my intention is to have you at least recognize how this paradox is part of the characteristics of forgiveness.

If you liked this post, you can purchase Dr. Hankle’s book “The Christian Vocation of Forgiveness” at Amazon by clicking here.


Intimacy, Vulnerability, and Human Love

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Human beings were created to give and receive love, and it drives everything we do.  Let me share with you how love and vulnerability create a beautiful unique human experience.  Let me reflect with you on why true human love is transcendent in nature.

Because we’re innately created to give ourselves to others we must accept the fact to do so means making ourselves vulnerable.  Love requires us to give ourselves to another human being with some level of abandonment. When we’re in love we communicate to the ones we love that we’re theirs, they have access to our whole being and that we’re in some way united to them.  Loving someone is giving them access to the most profound parts of who we are. It’s intimacy in the most profoundly experienced way. Research on love shows there are 12 core characteristics constituting love. All these characteristics are factors leading to the experience of intimacy.  These core attributes are trust, caring, honesty, friendship, respect, concern for the well-being of others, loyalty, commitment, acceptance of the other person, supportiveness, a desire to be with the person, and a real interest in one another’s lives. When we love someone we’re saying to them I trust you; I allow you to care for me and I believe you to be honest with me.  We’re saying I know you’re a friend who cares and respects me and someone who is interested in my well being. We’re sharing with them that they’re someone we long to be with and we’re inviting them into a deeper level of intimacy with us.

The key to this vulnerable love is intimacy, a unique human experience that involves the sharing of ourselves with another human being. There are four key features that make intimacy a profound human experience.  These key features are affection for the other, personal validation, trust, and self-disclosure. Intimacy is the way we go deeper and deeper into one another’s souls. This level of depth and this level of openness is summed up in one word. That one word is “Vulnerability.” To love another person is to make ourselves vulnerable and give them access to the very core of who we are. Being vulnerable means being open to the potential that this relationship can cause us pain.

When we talk about this kind of love, we aren’t just talking about romantic love. Sure, that seems to have most of the features we have discussed, but we also share elements like these in our deep friendships and in a healthy parent-child relationship. Intimacy is not sex, it’s sharing and giving another person access to parts of you that aren’t shared with just anyone. Sex can be an incarnational expression of intimacy in some relationships but all relationships express intimacy in one way or another.

When you love with this intensity you truly experience life.  I challenge you to seek intimacy with those people in your life.  There is no greater human experience than the deep intimate connections we make with one another.  This world has confused love and sex, intimacy and sex, and I would argue marriage and sex.  More than any of these things love is an intimate sharing of a whole person in whatever way is most appropriate.  After all, this is what matters more than anything else, that we love and are loved in the most profound way.  When we die we will not ask how much money we have, what we have accomplished, or even if we will be remembered.  We will ask two simple questions.  First, was I loved by those I spent time with?  Secondly, did I love those in my life enough?  These two questions can be answered by you right now.

You Are an Encounter With Heaven

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The life of a Christian is a life of presence. We take this presence into the places we go, the relationships we establish, and the public life we live. We take our presence into the places where strangers and neighbors are encountered, our children play, and our families dwell. Our presence is our greatest gift and therefore it must be cared for, intentionally shaped, and nurtured. This presence is shaped by our relationship to Christ and an openness to the Holy Spirit. If the Christian is not in a proper relationship with Christ, his or her presence becomes more about selfish concerns and not about sharing with others. Those who struggle with a relationship to Christ are anxious, discontent, or self-consumed. One cannot enter into the Christ relationship without first losing his or her life so that Christ may live through them. When Christ lives in us we become hosts to a God wanting to reach out to others through us. Likewise, an openness to the Holy Spirit allows the Spirit’s fruits of love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, and faithfulness to flow through us. Through a healthy relationship with Christ and an openness to the Holy Spirit people encounter the presence of heavenly things.

Too often we let the world and its many concerns steal the peace of God from our hearts. We seek justice in a world that cannot give it, comfort from a world permeated with pain, love in a world that only knows indifference and hate. We allow the world to shape our response to the needs of others instead of the heavenly guest dwelling in us. In the end, instead of our presence being an encounter with heaven reminding others there is something greater than what the world has to offer, they meet a bitter, scorned, and angry human being. Care for your presence, let the peace of God dwell within you, and always remember laughter, joy, the embrace of one human being toward another, and the simple belief that you were created for more than what the world tells you is transformative. You are created a little less than the angels, empowered to move mountains through faith. You were created to be agents of love, forgiveness, and sacred hospitality in a place that only sees doubt, indifference, revenge, and ignorance. This is why your presence matters; this is why you must intentionally be an encounter with heaven for those living in a world shaped by the forces of hell.

Care for your presence. Spend time with Christ and pray the Holy Spirit fills you with his love. You may just be that encounter with God so many people long for yet try and satisfy with so many other, temporal things.